📌 Key Takeaways
The One-Line Snapshot:
✨ Small tools, short breaks, and self-kindness can transform overwhelm into calm, one step at a time.
- ADHD brains stress differently: Even small tasks can feel catastrophic, and self-criticism amplifies the overwhelm.
- Use external tools and breaks: Notebooks, “do nothing” time, and “Enough” lists give your brain space to breathe and a sense of accomplishment without pressure.
- Build resilience with self-compassion: Treat yourself like a friend, practice consistently, and gradually you’ll recover faster, feel less guilt, and handle overwhelm more smoothly.
If you’ve ever felt like stress is a constant shadow, never letting up, this is for you. I’m diving into how ADHD shapes the way we experience overwhelm and sharing strategies that actually work for the long haul — not just quick fixes that barely scratch the surface.
For the longest time, I didn’t realize I was feeling more stress, and getting overwhelmed faster, than women who don’t have ADHD. I felt like I was running a marathon every single day, and the finish line just kept moving farther away.
For those of us with ADHD, stress isn’t just a fleeting feeling — it’s that low-grade hum of overwhelm that never really shuts off. So, while an in-the-moment breathing exercise is great, it’s often like putting a Band-Aid on a broken arm. I’ve found I need strategies for the long game to rewire my responses so that the stress monster doesn’t just clomp around breathing on me all the time.
Why Our Brains Love to Hit the Panic Button
One issue ADHD brains have is that the brain’s alarm system, the amygdala, is chugging espresso and seeing threats everywhere — this is why we can go from zero to overwhelmed in seconds. Imagine opening your inbox and seeing five unread messages: a “normal” brain might read them and move on, but an ADHD brain can spiral into, “I’m behind, I’m failing, I’ll never catch up,” before the first line is even read. Or picture a kitchen counter cluttered with dishes: what should be a small task becomes a looming, guilt-inducing mountain.
Ever notice how one small thing — a forgotten appointment, a text unanswered for a few hours, a minor mistake at work — can instantly feel like a catastrophe? Or how a clean laundry pile somehow transforms into an Everest of shame if you don’t fold it right away? Even sitting down to write a short email can turn into a two-hour mental tug-of-war over every word, while your “alarm system” keeps shouting, “This is urgent! You’re failing!”
Add in a lifetime of feeling like you’re not quite getting “it” (anything) right, and you’ve got a perfect recipe for chronic stress. But the good news is, understanding the mechanics means we can start to work with them, not against our brains.
Practical Tools for Long-Term Stress Relief
Here are some things that seem to be working for me, right now. They take practice, but think of these as building a stronger “stress-proof” foundation, one slightly less wonky brick at a time.
Externalize Your Brain (No, Really)
1. The “Everything Notebook”
One of my biggest discoveries was that I can’t trust the inside of my own head to hold onto information. I spent years trying to force myself to just remember, and the stress of inevitably failing was immense. The solution? I stopped trying.
The Tool: Get a notebook. It doesn’t have to be fancy; in fact, it’s better if it’s not. This is not a planner for your aspirational self. This is a functional brain-dump zone. Every thought, to-do, reminder, grocery item, and random middle-of-the-night idea goes in there. The act of writing it down frees up mental space. You’re telling your brain, “It’s okay, you don’t have to hold onto this anymore. The paper has it.”
Actionable Steps:
- Daily Brain Dump: Spend 5–10 minutes each morning or evening dumping everything on your mind into the notebook.
- Prioritize Later: Highlight or mark the few things that actually need attention today or this week.
- Digital Backup: Optional apps like Google Keep, Todoist, or Notion can handle recurring tasks or reminders.
- Weekly Reflection: Skim through your notes weekly to notice patterns or accomplishments.
Trust the System: Remind yourself, “It’s in the notebook. I don’t have to remember it all.”
Schedule “Do Nothing” Time
This sounds ridiculous, I know, like, “I already spend time doing nothing”…but typically, having a moment of downtime means you’ll immediately think of the 17 other things you should be doing. Unstructured time is often where our brains get the loudest and most critical. By intentionally scheduling “do nothing” time, you give it a purpose.
The Exercise: Calendar Blocking for Your Brain
- Start Small: Block 5–10 minutes a day to sit, breathe, or stare at the wall.
- Gradually Increase: Once tolerated, extend to 15–30 minutes a few times a week.
- Name It Playfully: Label your calendar block “Brain Break,” “Stare at the Wall Time,” or something silly that makes it inviting.
- Pick Your Rest Mode: Listen to music, sit outside, or lie down with a yoga mat or lightweight weighted blanket.
- Stick to the Rule: No multitasking, scrolling, or productivity allowed.
Reinforce the Habit: Over time, your brain will start to accept rest without resistance — a massive win for long-term stress.
Create “Enough” Lists
The traditional to-do list? Total trap. You finish one thing, and three more to-dos appear. This is an instant ticket to overwhelm and paralysis. Instead, start making “Enough” lists.
The Tool: The Three-Thing Rule
Each morning, or the night before, decide on the three most important things you need to do that day. That’s it. Write them on a sticky note and put it somewhere you can see it. Anything else you get done is a bonus. Finishing your three things gives you a concrete sense of accomplishment — a powerful antidote to the constant feeling of being behind.
Actionable Steps:
- Pick Three: Identify only the three most critical tasks for the day.
- Visual Reminder: Place your list somewhere visible so your brain sees it repeatedly.
- Celebrate Completion: Give yourself a mental high-five or small reward once done.
Bonus Mindset: Anything else is extra — no guilt, no pressure.
Practice Self-Compassion
I used to roll my eyes at the idea of self-compassion. It sounded like “just say nice things to yourself” nonsense — fluffy and unhelpful. But the truth is, most of our stress doesn’t come from the mistake itself; it comes from the brutal internal monologue that follows. Forgetting an appointment is one thing; spending the next three hours telling yourself you’re a failure is another. I learned this the hard way when I missed a simple work deadline and spent the evening replaying it in my head like a catastrophic movie trailer. By the time I finally stopped, I was more exhausted from guilt than from the mistake itself.
The Exercise: Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
The next time you mess up — and you will, because you’re human — pause. Imagine a friend or family member called you and told you they did the same thing. What would you say to them? You’d probably say, “Oh man, that stinks. Don’t worry about it, it happens to everyone.” Now, try saying that to yourself. Slowly, the voice of your harshest critic starts to get replaced by one that is supportive and realistic, not saccharine or over-the-top.
Actionable Steps:
- Pause Immediately: When you notice self-criticism kicking in, take a breath before the thoughts spiral.
- Name the Critic: Mentally identify the harsh voice (“Ah, there’s the inner drill sergeant again”).
- Talk Like a Friend: Speak to yourself as you would to someone you genuinely care about. Use simple, realistic phrases like:
- “It happens to everyone.”
- “I’ll handle it, no need to panic.”
- “One mistake doesn’t define me.”
- “It happens to everyone.”
- Keep a Journal: Occasionally jot down moments when you successfully replaced self-criticism with kindness. Seeing it on paper reinforces the habit.
Practice Consistently: Start small. Even a single compassionate phrase a day can rewire your brain’s default reaction over time.
Remember: It’s a Marathon
For now, just start with these four things, and you’ll discover more about your own needs as you go. Don’t forget, none of these things will “fix your stress” overnight — you’ve had a lifetime of stress practice, so it makes sense that change will take time.
Over weeks and months, though, you’ll start to notice subtle but meaningful shifts. Recovery from stressful events will be faster, the voice of self-blame will be quieter, and you’ll have small victories to remind yourself that progress is possible. Think of it like building a muscle: each time you use these tools — the notebook, “do nothing” breaks, “Enough” lists, and self-compassion exercises — you strengthen your brain’s ability to handle overwhelm without spinning out.
Set realistic timelines for your own progress. Maybe today you only manage a five-minute brain break, or only two items on your “Enough” list. That’s still progress. By consistently practicing these strategies, you’re creating a sustainable system that gradually transforms how stress lives in your life — and that, in itself, is a huge win.
Remember, this isn’t about perfection — it’s about giving your brain a break, one small step at a time. Every note you write, every pause you take, every kind word you say to yourself is a victory. And over time, those little victories add up to a life that feels calmer, more manageable, and a little more yours.
We’re all in this long game together. I’ve shared my favorite tools — now I want yours. Do you do anything that helps you exhale, even a little? Drop it in the comments, and maybe we’ll build a community survival kit one small idea at a time.
